The Honeycut: How ‘Rumpelstiltskin’ Exceeded My Expectations

Say His Name!

I was not looking forward to watching 1995’s “Rumpelstiltskin.” Having watched all kinds of low-budget horror movies with my friends in high school and college, it’s safe to say I’ve burned myself out on them. I now have zero tolerance for garbage movies. Well, there are some exceptions, like “Redneck County Fever.”

Anyway, horror author Viggy Parr Hampton came back on the “Midnight Terrors Podcast,” and the movie she chose to cover was “Rumpelstiltskin.” So, my hands were tied. 

However, I can happily say that this movie totally ruled. It has a certain charm to it that only B-movies like it can pull off. It’s corny. It’s legitimately funny. It’s hilariously violent. Basically, it’s everything you want from one of these movies. 

The Story

The mythical Rumpelstiltskin tries to steal a baby in 1400s Europe. His plans are foiled when a group of angry villagers chase him down and turn him into a rock.

Things go wrong 500 years later in 1990s Los Angeles. A woman who recently lost her husband finds the Rumple Rock (that’s what I’m calling it) and wishes upon it that her dead husband can see their newborn child. Long story short, this frees Rumpelstiltskin, and he spends the duration of the movie trying to get her kid.  

Honey’s Cut

I found some interesting stuff when I was researching this movie, specifically the creature Rumpelstiltskin. An evil imp figure like him can be traced back something like 4,000 years. Eventually, the Brothers Grimm created the character we know today in 1812. 

Now with a child-snatching demonic imp like this, you could make a seriously unsettling movie. I’m thinking something like “Sinister.” Or you could do what they did here and turn him into a vulgar little madman. Hey, either one works for me.

It’s no surprise that Rumpelstiltskin, played by Max Grodenchik, steals the show. He speaks in a medieval dialect, lazily putting a ‘th’ on the end of random words. Except when he doesn’t and just kind of talks like a gravelly Brooklyn guy. Bravo. 

By the way, for context, this was indeed made by the two guys who gave us “Leprechaun.” They really found their niche and stuck to it. 

The only character to rival Rumpelstiltskin is Max Birdman, a Jerry Springer-like daytime talk show host. The guy who plays him really hams it up the entire movie and it is glorious. I’d give you some examples, but would it really come off as funny if you just read what he did?  You had to be there. 

Honey’s Final Thought

To the surprise of no one, “Rumpelstiltskin” completely tanked at the box office. In fact, it led to the Great Box Office Depression. That’s a lie. But what isn’t a lie is that on a budget of $3 million, it made a measly $300,000 from 50-some theaters. Yeesh. 

So, we never got a sequel. And I think that’s for the best. Look at what happened to these hilariously weird movies that turned into franchises. The first one is a fun, one-off, ‘WTF’ kind of experience. Then they just beat it into the ground. Was anyone really asking for that eighth “Leprechaun” movie?

Is “Rumpelstiltskin” a good movie? No. Objectively it’s pretty terrible. Is it a blast to watch? Absolutely. And I’ll tell you what. I’ll take 90 minutes of ridiculousness over two hours of some lame bloated blockbuster any day. 

P.S. If I managed to spell Rumpelstiltskin correctly throughout this article, I get bonus points.